The best animal jokes

There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court. The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?" The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him." Then he came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?" I said, "I never felt better in my life."
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More jokes about: lawyer, dog, animal, life
Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
Vote: has 70.47 % from 294 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, animal, stupid
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."
Vote: has 70.43 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, dog, animal, bartender
Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, animal, sport
Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys. The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore. The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out." The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth." Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, cowboy, death, animal
Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dog, animal
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Ten-tickles.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: nerd, animal
A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet. What are they thinking? The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet. He doesn’t want to talk. May be he’s get tired of me. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s probably got someone else. I see. We’ll have to separate each other." The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling. Wow! How keep it there and don’t fall?"
Vote: has 70.33 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, love, animal, men
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
Vote: has 70.02 % from 489 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Facebook, animal, technology
A man is walking home when he sees a dog buying meat for his owner. The man watches the dog when the butcher takes a little to much and growls and him until he gets the right amount. The man follows the dog and watches as the dog stands on two legs and helps an old lady across the street. Amazed the man follows the dog home and watches the dog ring the doorbell. When the owner comes to the door the owner takes the bags and tells the dog to stay in the front yard. Frustrated the man goes up to the owner and yells "This dog is amazing! He gets your groceries, makes sure you have the exact change, helps old ladies across the street and this is how you treat him!" The owner replies, "I know but,this is the 3rd time this week he left his keys".
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal