The best animal jokes

Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?" Kangaroo: "I can't find my children" Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?" Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, customer service, kids
A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, “What the hell is that all about?” The farmer says, “We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain’t nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other.”
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, wife
An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, elephant
How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented? They were very impressed.
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup." Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, food
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on top of a cliff. A magical bird flies to them and tells them that each one of them can jump off the cliff and wish to be one thing to fly away on. They will become that thing and can escape from their arduous situation. The redhead goes first. She jumps and says "eagle!". She turns into an eagle and flies away. The brunette jumps off and says,"hawk!" she turns into a hawk and flies away. The blonde takes a running start, trips on a rock as she nears the edge. "Oh crap!" she yells.
Vote: has 62.63 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, ginger, animal
A man enters a little country store and sees a sign reading, ‘Danger! Beware of Dog’. He then sees an old hound dog lying asleep on the floor. ‘Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?’ says the man to the shopkeeper. ‘Yep,’ replies the shopkeeper. ‘Before I posted that sign, everyone kept tripping over him.’
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Three tortoises, Tinku, Teku and Toku, went into a restaurant. Each of them ordered a large ice cream sundae. They were waiting for their order when they noticed that it was pouring with rain outside. "We are going to need our umbrellas," said Toku. Tinku agreed. They both decided that Teku should run home to get the umbrellas, but he didn't want to go in case they ate his ice-cream while he was away. But Toku and Tinku promised that they would do nothing of the kind, so Teku set off. One week went by and Teku did not return. Two weeks went by and still he did not appear. Halfway through the third week, Tinku turned to Toku and said, "Come on, let's eat his ice cream." "Okay, let's," said Toku. Just then Teku's voice piped up from under the next table, "If you do, I won't go for that umbrella!"
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
When is a farmer like a magician? When he turns his cow into pasture.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Why couldn't the cow leave the farm? She was pasteurized.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal