What kind of cows do you find in Alaska?
Eski-moos.
Where do cows like to ride on trains?
In the cow-boose.
Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit?
It was an inn-grown hare.
A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey.
It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away.
So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit.
It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise.
On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock.
One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!"
The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?"
The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?"
The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in?
They had to pay the jockey overtime!
Q: What do you call a car only British animals can drive?
A: OxFord.
Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they live in schools.
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk.
Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."
The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go.