The best animal jokes

The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?" "Yes, I was. So what?" "Were you sitting on the table?" "Yeah, why?" The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!" "But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders. "Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, party, mean
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Vote: has 58.52 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.
Vote: has 58.51 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
Vote: has 57.92 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, fat, animal, disgusting
What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk? A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.
Vote: has 57.88 % from 139 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, black people, food, animal
Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says: "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny." The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says: "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."
Vote: has 57.56 % from 143 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, old people, animal
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."
Vote: has 57.55 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
How do you tell if a black girls pregnant? Shove a banana up her vagina and if you pull it out half eaten then you got a monkey on the way.
Vote: has 57.55 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, black people, animal, kids
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
A man runs over a cat. The cat’s address is on its collar so the man goes to apologise to the owner. He knocks on the door and a little old lady answers. The man says, ‘I’m so sorry. I’ve just run over your cat. Can I replace it?’ ‘I don’t know,’ replies the old lady. ‘How are you at catching mice?’
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal