I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.
What dog can jump higher than a building? Anydog, buildings can't jump!
What do a rattlesnake and a soft penis have in common? You can't f**k with either one.
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon? A: A sheep.
What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain? Stegosaur-rust.
Q:Why don't giraffes like fast food? A:Because they can't catch it!
Q. What’s got 4 legs and bleeds? A. Half a spider!
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
The judge: Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association? The inculpated: Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report? In his beef case.