A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!" "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mom.
How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.
What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman? A baby with a black eye!
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!
Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven. And everyone who goes to heaven has to work. God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies. Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out. For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired. As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room? A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.