The best baby jokes

Kid to a pregnant girl at bus stop: "What are you expecting?" The girl says, "A bus." The kid turns to his friend and says: "Wow! I am 100% sure this chick got screwed by a Transformer!"
Vote: has 78.72 % from 157 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, sex, car, baby
A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”. The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. With that, the baby pops right back inside. “Damn!”, says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head push through again. “Are you my dad?”, asks the baby. “No, I am your doctor.”, he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother’s womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, “Nurse, get that baby’s father in here right away–we may have a situation on our hands!”. Moments later the baby’s father is in the delivery room, and the baby’s head once again pops out. “Are you my dad?”, the baby asks of the father. The father replies, “Yes, little baby, I am your father!” The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the forehead with his index finger–”How do you like that?”
Vote: has 78.64 % from 102 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, women, birthday, doctor, baby
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."
Vote: has 78.08 % from 439 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, doctor, baby, food
Your mamas so skinny she swallowed a meatball n thought she was pregnant.
Vote: has 77.45 % from 112 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, baby
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
Vote: has 77.03 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, wife, car, baby
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he sucked on a pacifier and made it cry.
Vote: has 76.99 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, baby
Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby.
Vote: has 76.89 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, baby
Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 75 years old, how do you honestly feel?'' ''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just peed myself.''
Vote: has 76.86 % from 114 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people, age, baby
Peter: My mom is having a new baby. Joy: What's wrong with the old one?
Vote: has 76.35 % from 131 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, baby
Why can't Chinese couples have Caucasian babies? Because two Wongs don't make a white!
Vote: has 75.89 % from 194 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, baby