The best baby jokes

"Jeff, my child, your mother had to stay in the hospital for a few days, cause the stork that brought your baby brother bite her by accident." "Oh, gosh! What a terrible thing to happen to her after such a difficult birth!"
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, hospital, baby
Q: How do Asians get their name? A: They throw a pan down the hall and listen to the noise. Example: Dong Ching Lau.
Vote: has 64.72 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, asian, baby
Mama Raptor and Papa Raptor were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Raptor a choice of which parent to live with. JUDGE: "Do you want to live with your mother?" BABY RAPTOR: "No! She beats me." JUDGE: "OK, then you can live with your father." BABY RAPTOR: "No! He beats me too!" JUDGE: "Well you have to live with someone. Who do you want to live with?" BABY RAPTOR: "I want to live with my Aunt Bertha in Toronto." JUDGE: "Is there any chance she'll beat you also?" BABY RAPTOR: "No sir. The Toronto Raptors don't beat anybody."
Vote: has 63.81 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dinosaur, baby
Mum has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while. "You understand it now?" Mum asks. "Yes," replies her daughter. "Do you still have any questions?" "Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?" "In exactly the same way as with babies." "Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, kitty, baby
At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV. Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important." Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Well, that has to do with it too," said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education." "Yes it does," said Johnny, " it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne."
Vote: has 62.78 % from 84 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, school, teacher, sex, baby
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby
Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, dog
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week? Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, husband, baby
Yo' mama so fat, when she was a baby, she took a bath with a rubber albatross.
Vote: has 62.41 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, fat, baby, insulting