The best baby jokes

A Black man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical black baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the proud father of an amazing black baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?" The father drank the bottle of whisky at one go, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
Vote: has 61.90 % from 465 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, bar, wife, baby, bartender
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe. "Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, baby, elephant, time
Goku and Superman once had a baby his name is Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, celebrity, baby
Yo' mama so fat, when she was a baby, she took a bath with a rubber albatross.
Vote: has 58.98 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, fat, baby, insulting
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, baby
What do you name an Asian baby with problems? Sum ting wong.
Vote: has 58.52 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, asian, baby
Which branch of the military do babies join? The infantry!
Vote: has 58.09 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, baby
Q: What does a baby computer call its dad? A: Data
Vote: has 56.77 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, baby, computer, dad
How do you fit 500 babies into a phone booth? With a blender. How do you get them out? Nachos - make a dipping and snacking motion.
Vote: has 56.65 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, phone, baby
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?" The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has the.......er......features....of a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh MY GOD! you mean it has a penis..... AND a brain.
Vote: has 55.26 % from 694 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, baby, women