There were three strings that walked into the bar.
They sat down and they didn't get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers.
The bartender said, "I'm sorry buddy we don't serve strings in here."
The string walks back to the table and tells his friends what the bartender said.
"I've been here before and gotten a drink, I'll go get us something to drink," said the second string.
The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers.
The bartender says, "I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here."
So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened.
The third string says "Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink."
The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end.
He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers.
The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, "You a string?" "Frayed knot," he replies.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar... the beer starts to run.
Vote:
Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it.
Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar.
The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically.
"That's amazing," said the bartender.
"Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby.
"Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
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Mike, to a blonde at the bar: "It's rude to interrupt a man when he's talking to his wife."
Sara: "Wife?"
Mike: "I'm working on it."
Sara: "You're awful sure of yourself."
Mike: "You too."
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
"S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "What was that all about?"
"Nothin', said the Irishman, "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
Sthi Bash is sitting in a bar drinking some alcohol.
After some couple of drinks he tries to stand up and he falls.
He crawls to the door of the bar and tries to stand up and he falls again, he crawls until he reaches the door in his house and he tries to stand but then for the third time he falls again.
He then decides to knock on the door while he is on the ground.
His wife opens the door and surprised she asks him, "Where the hell did you leave your wheelchair?"
On the morning a cop walks into a bar and sees his wife with two of his best friends.
He takes a sit on the table behind them to eavesdrop then his wife says "let's have him kidnaped."
A poor guy heartbroken pulls out a gun and shoots them all and runs back to his house to grab some cash and clothe to escape.
When he finally reached his house and opens the door everyone yells happy birthday!
Vote:
There was once a man who was in a bar, terribly drunk.
The bartender noticed this, and when he asked for another beer, the bartender politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink.
The man leaves.
He walks in the side door and asks the bartender for a beer.
A little frustrated, the bartender repeats the answer he said before.
The man leaves. He then comes in the other side door, walks to the bartender and asks for a beer.
The bartender is annoyed, and tells the man he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave his bar.
He leaves.
He then comes in the BACK door, comes the the bartender, and before he can say a word, the bartender explodes at him.
"I told you already, you are way to drunk, you can not have another beer!
Get out of my bar!"
Disgruntled, the man looks at the bartender and asks, "Man, how many bars do you work at?"
A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs, and swung him around in a circle.
The bartender says, "Hey buddy, what are you doing?"
And the blind man says, "Don't mind me, I'm just looking around."
Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar.
"Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?"
"Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
"A pair of slippers and a dildo?"
"Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "