The best beer jokes

Question: How many men does it take to open a beer? Answer: None. It should already be open by the time she brings it.
Vote: has 38.75 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, beer
Q: How does a man show he is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer.
Vote: has 35.23 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, beer
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club. "You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
Vote: has 34.78 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, golf, bartender, beer
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
Vote: has 30.43 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, beer, men
How does a man show he's planning for the Future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, beer
A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. As he sits there, the jar of nuts on the bar tells him what a nice shirt he is wearing. Disturbed by this, he goes to the cigarette vending machine to buy a pack of smokes. As he approaches the machine, it starts screaming and shouting at him. He runs to the bar and explains this to the barman. The barman apologizes and says "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order"!
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer, bartender
There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn't get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, "I'm sorry buddy we don't serve strings in here." The string walks back to the table and tells his friends what the bartender said. "I've been here before and gotten a drink, I'll go get us something to drink," said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender says, "I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here." So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened. The third string says "Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink." The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, "You a string?" "Frayed knot," he replies.
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer, bartender
A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of beer." The bartender serves the drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender. "Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't accept that." The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's going on here?" the man asks. Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles Bar."
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer, bartender, money
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, beer
Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox? A: About eight beers.
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, beer, animal