The best bird jokes

Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!
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has 66.43 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: bird, Halloween, technology
Q: How do you identify a bald eagle? A: All his feathers are combed over to one side.
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: beauty, bird
Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice? A: He didn't give a hoot!
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has 65.42 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, communication
Knock, knock. Who's there? Owls say. Owls say who? Yep, that they do.
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has 64.21 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, communication, knock-knock
Q: What is a parrot's favorite game? A: Hide and Speak!
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has 61.71 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: bird, communication, game, parrot
Q: What do you give a sick bird? A: Tweetment!
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: bird, health, internet
Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I'm a big girl I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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has 60.48 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, disgusting, poems
A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" "I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot." "Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me." "I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird." "Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers." "Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?" "Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion." The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that." "Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer." The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman." "What?" asks the guy. "Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth." "What happened then?" asks the guy. "Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot. "My God!" the guy says. "Then what?" "Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time... "What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy. "That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."
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has 59.71 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: bird, communication, dirty, parrot, vulgar
Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
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has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: bird, disgusting, holiday, winter
Q: What's brown and white and flies all over? A: Thanksgiving turkey, when you carve it with a chainsaw!
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: bird, Thanksgiving