If you need Facebook to remind you it's your wife's birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
Yo momma’s so ugly, the Government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Chuck Norris doesn't blow out brithday candles, they surrender their flames willingly.
Q: When will scientists cure the common cold? A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.
For his surprise 50th birthday party, Chuck Norris turned up early. No one surprises Chuck Norris.
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked. "First I’d have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged. The woman took a deep breath. "He’s very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well…" "Oh, I see," the psychologist said, "It’s YOUR child!"
Chuck Norris gave birth to himself because nobody else is capable (or could even live) to give birth to Chuck Norris.
What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties? "Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."
Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. When an old Grandpa walked by. And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.” The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.” One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.” Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!” Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?” Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison… “We were at your birthday party yesterday!”