You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
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How can you tell if you have acne?
If the blind can read your face.
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Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them.
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Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria.
One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides.
When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), stood up, bent over and squeezed his chest.
This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table; the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid.
I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.
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I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "Fireworks".
How right they were.
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My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique.
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A blonde hops on and off a curb on a busy street, saying 54 over and over.
A brunette walks by and asks what the blonde is doing.
The blonde replies that she is jumping on and off the curb saying 54 over and over.
The brunette joins her.
Soon, the brunette gets hit by a passing car.
The blonde watches as the car drives away.
The blond then continues to jump on and off the curb, saying 55 over and over.
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What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool?
Throw in your laundry.
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Black humour is like a pair of legs.
Not everyone has it.
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I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today.
I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.
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