Two cannibals were having their dinner.
One said to the other "I don't like your friend."
The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."
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They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach.
But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
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Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope.
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What happens if you upset a cannibal?
You get into hot water.
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A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill.
He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?”
“Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully.
The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
Don't break anybody's heart - they have only one.
Break their bones - they have 206.
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Q: What happened to the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals?
A: He went down really well!
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Q: Where do one-legged people eat?
A: IHOP.
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In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people.
It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch.
Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.
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Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history?
Hitler.
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