A bunch of new recruits are making their first parachute jump. The sergeant gives instructions: "After you jump out of the plane, count slowly to 10. Your parachute will automatically open. If it doesn't, pull the emergency cord. When you get to the drop zone, there'll be trucks waiting to take you back to the base. Move out!" As scared as they are, they all make it out the door. The last recruit jumps out and slowly counts to 10 -- nothing. He frantically fumbles around and finds the emergency handle. He jerks on the cord, and it comes off in his hand. Raising his head to the heavens, he screams, "I bet them trucks ain't waiting either!!"
Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.
How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian.
Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter? It sure gave them something to chew over.
First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight." Second cannibal: "What are you having?" First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust? A: The cost.
Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!
What happened when the cannibal got a religion? He only ate Catholics on Fridays!
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
I was walking down the street to a video store last night to rent a porno movie when I saw a woman being raped. Saved myself a fiver.