Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads? Because they're headcases.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup? A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
Europe to Iceland: Why did you send us volcanic ash? Our airspace has shut down. Iceland: What? That's what you asked for isn't it? Europe: NO! We said cash! CASH! Iceland: Woooops...
Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
Why are little girls better than little boys? Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
There are 3 men on a plane a Mexican an American and a Russian the Mexican says "I hate my country!" And throughs a soup out the window the American says "I hate my country" and throughs a pie out the window. The Russian says "I hate my country!" And throughs a bomb out the window. Then the plane lands and the Mexican sees a kid crying the Mexican says "what's wrong kid?" The kid says "a soup fell on my mom's head and she burnt to death." "I didn't do that" says the Mexican. The American was walking and saw a kid crying "what's wrong kid?" The kid says "my mom was driving and a pie fell on her windshield and drove off a cliff cause she couldn't see!" "I didn't do that" says the American. Then the Russian gets off the plane and saw a kid laughing his head off. The Russian says "what's so funny?" The kid says " daddy farted and the house went BOOM BOOM!"
Q: How do you make a cat go ‘woof’? A: Soak it in petrol, and set it on fire.
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!