A large number of Black soldiers died in Iraq war because every time their chief said: "Get on the floor!" they stood up and started dancing.
Why did the little girl fall off of her bike? Because she didn't have any arms.
Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer." "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!" God replies, "You better send them up here immediately." Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them." God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you." Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
How did they know that the driver had dandruff? They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
What do sick cannibals have for breakfast? Vitamin bills!
Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket? A: Is that you coughin'?
Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
A Mexican and a nigger are riding in car. Who's driving? A cop!