What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
Are you lost, ma'am? Because Heaven's a long way from here.
Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? An invalid.
Why did Hitler committed a suicide? He received the bill from Gazprom.
One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor: - Help me, please. I have a knife in my back. The doctor, looking his watch says: - Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you. Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8. - But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now. The doctor, angrily says: - I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow. - But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead. Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back. The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye. - Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
Q: What's a polygon? A: A dead parrot.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world? A: Because everyone hates the black ones.
Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.
The other day a friend and myself decided to try out an aerobics video because we were both feeling very unfit. We put the tape in and started to copy the movements. After a few minutes we had chopped each other's arms off with chain-saws. It was only then that we realized that I had accidentally put "Psycho Killers III" in the video by mistake! How we laughed!!!!