Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."
"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"
God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."
Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."
God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."
Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.
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"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality."
"Who told you that?"
"Gynecologist."
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What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.
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Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him:
"Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?"
Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
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I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake.
Sincerely, Michael Myers
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What do sick cannibals have for breakfast?
Vitamin bills!
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Why are little girls better than little boys?
Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.
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Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
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Why did Hitler go to the eye doctor?
Because he can Nazi.
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