The best car jokes

The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop. A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck. "Good lord, mister," he gasped, "Are you drunk?" "Of course," said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit. "What the hell do you think I am ... a stunt driver?"
Vote: has 70.90 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, car, drunk
Yo mamas so poor she traded her car for gas money.
Vote: has 70.89 % from 117 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, car, money
Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, golf, wife, car, money
Chuck Norris doesn't need a License to drive a car... The car needs a special license to be driven by Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, car
A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her but he can't. Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help. So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, "Don't worry. I got him with the door!"
Vote: has 70.33 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, love, kids, church, car
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, car, money
Chuck Norris once gave a fire hydrant a ticket for being next to his parked car.
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A Rolls Royce pulls up in to an expensive restaurant. A sheik emerges, followed by a harem of women and a rooster. After ordering for himself and his harem, the sheik requests a basket of apples for the rooster. The rooster proceeds to eats three baskets of apples. The waiter asks the sheik about the voracious appetite of the rooster. The sheik explains, "A genie granted me three wishes. My first wish was to have an endless supply of money. My second wish was to have many beautiful women. And my third wish was to have an insatiable cock."
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, car, food, women, money
Q: How many people can you fit in one Honda? A: Well, the Bible said that all 12 disciples were in one Accord.
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More jokes about: car, bible, catholic
Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?" "Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?" The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."
Vote: has 69.93 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: men, bar, car, beer, sex