The best car jokes

This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."
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More jokes about: dirty, death, wife, money, car
A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving. A cop sees him and pulls him over. The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?" The man says, "I slowed down." The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him. "Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, car
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
Vote: has 64.09 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, music, celebrity, car
What do you call a mexican who's lost his car? Carlos.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, car, mexican
A blonde buys a used sports car. However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop. The blonde calls a tow truck. The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again. "What was the matter?" she asks. "Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies. Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, car, mechanic, disgusting
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Homer gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home. "Now Homer", said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost ?" Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Homer whispered, "I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home."
Vote: has 63.66 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, car, old people
Q: Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week? A: Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
Vote: has 63.35 % from 73 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, school, car
What's a rabbits favourite car? Any make, just as long it's a hutchback.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, car
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger. First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"  Second Blonde: "Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, car
A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling, "You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, car