A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper.
He sits down and orders a beer. After taking a drink he sees the guy next to him go over to the window and jump out!
"Holy cow! Did you see that!? That guy just jumped out the window!"
The bartender does nothing.
So the man takes another sip.
A minute later the same guy walks in, orders another drink, chugs it, and jumps out the window again.
"Jesus! He just jumped again!"
The bartender ignores the man. So the man sits puzzled.
The guy comes back into the bar, and orders another drink.
"How did you survive that jump?"
"I ordered a floatie drink, if you drink it in a certain amount of time, you can float."
So the guy quickly orders a floatie drink.
He takes it from the bartender, and chugs it.
He then jumps out the window and... SPLAT!
Right on the sidewalk!
The Bartender then says, "You know, Superman... you can be a real jerk when youre drunk."
Leonardo DiCaprio only starred in Inception because if he didn't, Chuck Norris will enter his dream and roundhouse kick him into limbo.
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Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
Yeah... now he has no ears.
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating?
Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
Yo momma so black Batman came and said damn b*tch I thought I was the dark night.
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How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic?
He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.
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Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead.
I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
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Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors?
A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.
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Stevie Wonder recently told his wife that he wants to see other people.
Yo Mama's so fat, she makes Johana Hill look superbad at gaining weight.