The only reason Osama Bin Laden is dead is because they finally let Chuck Norris into Pakistan...
Osama Bin Laden is hiding from Chuck Norris.
Q: Why did Captain Kirk piss on the roof of the Enterprise? A: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa.
Willow Smith is 11 and has a tongue ring, half her head shaved and is bisexual. She needs to go live with her Aunty and Uncle in Bel-Air.
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.
Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today? A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
Miss DeAngelo was a not-too-bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didn’t find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case. When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward. "Miss DeAngelo, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the ‘other woman’ in her husband’s life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?" "Well, yes," acknowledged Miss DeAngelo with a sniff, "but I couldn’t help it." "Couldn’t help it?" asked the lawyer derisively. "How’s that?" "Mr. Evans deceived me." "Exactly what do you mean?" "See, when we signed in," she explained, "he told the motel clerk I was his wife."
Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
Abraham Lincoln can finish a play better than the 2013 Broncos.