Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony? A: Look for sesame seed buns.
Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.
First Michael Jackson and now Neil Armstrong... God is clearly no fan of moonwalkers.
A real man would never cry in public unless: He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master. Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt. Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer.
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
Nothing beats a beautiful woman who can sing... except Chris Brown.
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. “What are those?, asks the attendant. “They’re called tees” replies Tiger. “Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman. “They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger. “Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything!”
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.