A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it." The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together? A: CSI
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?" "Sure. That's easy," said one man. "What is it?" "H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O." "What, what?" reasked the instructor. "H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar? A: He got Avogadro's number!
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element. The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.