The best chocolate jokes

There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building. Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight. So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fat". To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shag your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".
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has 59.21 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, fat, sex, wife, work
Q: Why did they invent white chocolate? A: So all black kids could get their faces messy too.
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has 54.46 % from 187 votes. More jokes about: black people, chocolate, racist
Q: What is a French cat's favorite dessert? A: Chocolate mousse.
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has 54.31 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: cat, chocolate, geography
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts. "I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!" "That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
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has 52.41 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, disgusting, family, food
We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.
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has 50.88 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, dirty, flirt, food, sex
Q: What do you get when you mix chocolate and Viagra? A: Oooh - Henry!
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has 49.30 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, dirty, viagra
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
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has 47.24 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: animal, chocolate, disgusting, easter, food
Q: How can you tell that a blonde been baking chocolate chip cookies? A: There are M&M shells all over the floor.
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has 47.24 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: blonde, chocolate, food, stupid
Imagine, there are on the bus only 5 persons: A busman, an old woman, two younger women and one man. The old woman comes to the busman and tells him: "Dear busman, would you like to eat a few hazelnuts?" The busman says: "Yes, why not?" He takes the hazelnuts from her hand and eats them. This repeats even two times, but when the old woman offers other hazelnuts to the busman for the fourth time, the busman asks this old woman: "Madame, where do you take all these hazelnuts from? It is a real amount and I am already full." The old woman only says: "You know, dear busman, I have bought the chocolate with hazelnuts, the hazelnuts are very hard for my dental plate, so I have sucked them all out, brought it to you and you have already eaten them all."
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has 46.76 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: age, chocolate, dentist, disgusting, food
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread." "That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."
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has 45.25 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: birthday, chocolate, food, kids, mean
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