The best Christmas jokes

Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: athlete, elf, Christmas
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
Vote: has 73.44 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, Christmas, family, technology
The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, Christmas
If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Santa, Christmas, romantic, flirt
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
Vote: has 70.92 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, business, fart, Christmas
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars? A: Elfis!
Vote: has 69.96 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, music, elf
What did the black kid get for Christmas? YOUR BIKE!
Vote: has 67.49 % from 186 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, Christmas, black people, kids
The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas. He just hired Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, Christmas
Yo mama so stupid someone said Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, stupid, Christmas
Rudolph the well hung reindeer, Had a great enormous cock, All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock, All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small, Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all, Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong... Fuck my arsehole all night long!" Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say, "Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay"
Vote: has 64.98 % from 109 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, animal, sex, Christmas, gay