If Chuck Norris drinks too much, he doesn't throw up, he throws down!
Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
When Chuck Norris wants salmon he eats the bear too.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.
Chuck Norris uses battery acid for eye drops.
He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.
Chuck Norris can drive to the moon... on foot.
Ozzy Osbourne once snorted a line of ants. Chuck Norris once snorted a line of bricks.
Chuck Norris found the stairway to heaven, but he prefers the elevator.
Chuck Norris is spelled with a silent "awesome".