The best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra .... After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra Eventually died
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Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
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Few people can go down Niagra Falls in a barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagra Falls in a carboard box.
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Chuck Norris can make you laugh at your own funeral.
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When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
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In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
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Chuck Norris once gave a man the Hiemlich Manuever. That man still holds the record for most bones broken.
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Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can use a Shake Weight without looking gay.
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Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
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