Chuck Norris invented zombies so that he can kill his victims again.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone
When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Chuck Norris uses a stunt double during crying scenes.
Chuck Norris once kicked Hulk in the face, so Hulk ran into the woods. He is now known as Shrek.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Chuck Norris can sit at the corner of a round table
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.