Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris once planted a box of Cheerios in his yard, the result was a donut tree.
Chuck Norris only needs one bullet, because it should know to get back in the chamber.
Chuck Norris once gave a cop a ticket for speeding.
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didnt have teddy bears. He had real bears.