Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Chuck Norris stem cells can reproduce missing limbs.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In reality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex? Because he never fucks up.
Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every Internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
If Chuck Norris ran for president, the competition would drop out, and he would get infinite terms.
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you’re thinking to yourself, “But Chuck Norris isn’t black”, then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
Scientists have predicted the world will end in 2012, but that's just a guess when Chusk Norris' patience will run out.