The best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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Chuck Norris uses a gun to be humane.
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Chuck Norris once went sky diving, he did not use a parachute. The spot he landed on is now known as the Grand Canyon.
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Chuck Norris is the only person to know pi, because when he puts it into the calculator, the calculator doesn't dare give him only part of it.
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Chuck Norris once stitched up a cut in his arm with a spoon.
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If Chuck Norris were president, he would protect the secret service.
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Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby.
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Chuck Norris leaves messages before the beep.
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