The best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris dropped the apple on Isaac Newtons Head.
Vote: has 75.77 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

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Some people break the laws of the state, Chuck Norris breaks the laws of physics.
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Chuck Norris can play the saxophone... while holding his breath.
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You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex? Because he never fucks up.
Vote: has 75.74 % from 151 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris once fell off a ladder, it immediately became a chair and caught him out of fear.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

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A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
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Chuck Norris can press "Pause" on reality.
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Chuck Norris kills 100% of germs.
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Chuck Norris can give you a wet willie with a dry finger.
Vote: has 74.84 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

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