The best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris sleeps until he tells the sun to get up.
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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
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Arnold Schwarzenegger always says he'll be back. But Chuck Norris always handles things the first time
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Chuck Norris writes on pencils with paper.
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Chuck Norris can spit through bulletproof glass.
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Chuck Norris can count the number of corners in a circle.
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Chuck Norris can toast bread in a freezer.
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Chuck Norris' shadow stays ten steps behind him in fear of a roundhouse kick.
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Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
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Chuck Norris can make a dog bark the alphabet, in spanish, backwards.
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