The best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris is the only person to really have "Birthdays". The rest of us have "Thank you Chuck for allowing me to live another year- days".
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Water holds its breath when Chuck Norris is in below the surface.
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Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
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Chuck Norris never reads the News – because Chuck Norris IS the News.
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He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
Alien from "A.V.P" is just Chuck Norris' Gecko.
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Chuck Norris can flip a coin and make it land on both sides at the same time.
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The Grimm Reaper lost his job the day Chuck Norris was born.
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Chuck Norris' phone never auto corrects him.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, duck, animal