The best coding jokes

Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? A: Because they don't C#.
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Q: 0 is false and 1 is true, right? A: 1.
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Q: How did the elephant destroy the database? A: His truncate it.
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UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
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If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.
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99 little bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code, 1 bug fixed... Compile again, 100 little bugs in the code.
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My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
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A programmer had a problem. He decided to use Java. He now has a ProblemFactory.
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A foo walks into a bar, takes a look around and says: "Hello world!"
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A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society. Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests. The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people. Host: Who have you brought along? Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost. A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people. Host: Who have you bought along? DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants. A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own. Host: Why haven't you brought anyone? SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan. 20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess. Host: Where have you been MySQL? MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st.
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