Your nails are so long when you come around the corner the police arrested you for dangerous weapons.
A man walks into the front door of a bar.
He is obviously drunk.
he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar.
He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink.
The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation.
Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar.
He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man!
How many bars do you work at?"
A gang of thieves broke into a blood bank last night and stole a hundred pints of blood.
Police are still hunting for the clots.
Judge Claudia Jordan of Denver slipped a message to her clerk during a trial.
The note said: “Blind on the right side. May be falling. Please call someone.”
The clerk called 9-1-1.
She told the judge not to worry, help was on the way.
The judge made a noise.
“I wanted someone from maintenance,” she said.
The trouble was the window blinds on the courtroom’s right side.
The judge appologized to the paramedics when they arrived.
Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia.
When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.
The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, “Hey, sarge, why did you stop?”
The sarge replied, “He’s in Georgia now.
They’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never catch him.”
Having gone to his secretary's apartment, Mr. Biggs was astonished to wake up and find that it was three in the morning.
"My God!" he shouted, "My wife is going to kill me!"
Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone and called his wife.
"Honey!" he began, "Don't call the cops and don't pay the ransom."
"I escaped!"
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
Vote:
Q: What's the difference between a black guy and a white guy?
A: A white guy can say "Hey Dad" and "Good morning officer".
Vote:
Joke has 51.71 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: black people, communication, cop, racist, white people
A policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver’s license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver’s license, he asks for registration.
Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, “It’s that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment.”
“Ah,” she says as she bends over to get it.
While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his cock out.
Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up.
A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, “Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!”
A policeman stops two drunks and asks one, "Where do you live?"
"Nowhere", the first drunk replied.
"And where do you live?", he asks the other.
"We're neighbours."