One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late.
His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.
The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead.
The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing.
To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did.
My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically', we’re living with two h***s and a future congressman."
Two men are chatting;
"My son asked me: 'Daddy, where do children come from?'"
"It's not a big deal... Today kids are interested in that matter on the early years."
"Yeah men, but the real issue here is that my son is... married... for five years!"
A teacher comes to the home of one naughty kid:
"Is your mom at home?"
"Nope, she's not here", says the naughty kid, quite scared.
"And your father?"
"No, he has hidden away as well..."
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?"
And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
Why do mexicans walk around the school like they own the place?
Cause there dad built it and there mom cleans it at night.
While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him.
Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family: "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"
"What is it?" her sisters asked eagerly.
Proudly she replied: "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
After watching the grades of his child, the angry father said, "After seeing your grades, I feel like teaching a lesson or two and want to give a tight slap."
The child excitedly says, "Yes dad, lets go, I know the addresses of all my teachers, we must teach them a lesson."
Q: Wanna know the biggest lie my dad ever told me?
A: I'll be back.
Vote:
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do.
Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.