The best dad jokes

A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."
Vote: has 40.31 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, dad, car, driving
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
Vote: has 39.85 % from 114 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, dad, animal
Why does the chicken is sad? Because his dad is a cock. Why does the chicken is even more sad? Because he faces the same future.
Vote: has 38.49 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dad
How do you know when your sister is on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood.
Vote: has 36.90 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, dad, sex
My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
Vote: has 36.82 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dad, sex
Q: What is Moby Dick's dad's name? A: Papa Boner
Vote: has 36.10 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, dad
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Vote: has 35.66 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, age, kids, dad
An internet maniac boy asks his father: Daddy, why do we have five fingers if the mouse has only two buttons?
Vote: has 34.72 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, dad, computer
A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
Vote: has 28.61 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, college, dad
Dad, would you like to save some money? I certainly would, son. Any suggestions? Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.
Vote: has 26.98 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, dad