The best death jokes

If looks could kill they would be called Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
Vote: has 73.48 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, heaven, death, health, wife
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
Vote: has 73.31 % from 85 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, little Johnny, fish, cat, death
Eleven year old’s environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution: "When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."
Vote: has 73.02 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school, age, death
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. But if your sick, there are two things to worry about. Either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about. But if you die, there are only two things to worry about. Either you will go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But if you go to hell, you'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends, you won't have time to worry.
Vote: has 72.77 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, heaven, death, health
There is a way to kill Chuck Norris, it is... Sorry, the person typing this just had his head bashed in by a roundhouse kick.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Chuck Norris gets younger by the kill.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, age, death
Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits suicide.
Vote: has 72.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your stupid cat!"
Vote: has 72.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: kids, fish, cat, death, stupid