# The best death jokes

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
Vote: has 42.61 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, math
Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.
Vote: has 42.13 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, husband, death
Yo mama so fat she died.
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, fat, insulting, death
I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man. Love, To forgive him and; Patience, For his moods. Because if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
Vote: has 41.84 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, love, death
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible! Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father..." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, "Please, Mary, put down that damn gun..."
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, church, husband, death
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"
Vote: has 41.82 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, death, office
Q: What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man who shot himself 15 times? A: The worst suicide case he has ever seen.
Vote: has 40.46 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, black people, death, cop
A boxer had written on his tombstone: "You can stop counting. I'm not getting up."
Vote: has 39.90 % from 9 votes. Send joke: