Chuck Norris can kill you as many times as he wants to.
He knows CPR.
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Good news, I've been given a goldfish for my birthday...
The bad news is that I don't get the bowl until my next birthday!
Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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Chuck Norris did the blue whale challenge.
By the 50th day, his instructor had jumped off the building.
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Little Johnny was a chemist.
Little Johnny is no more.
What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
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A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are:
1. Heart disease
2. Chuck Norris
3. Cancer
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Chuck Norris' Facebook status has a dislike button...nobody clicks it.
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What did the Alabama sherriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times?
Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
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If you want to commit suicide, all you need to do is say,"Chuck Norris is a loser."
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A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital.
After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead.
The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter (who wasn't blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that her mother didn't make it.
"Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!" the former blonde asked.