The best dirty jokes

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Vote: has 65.94 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, husband, wife, marriage
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
Vote: has 65.91 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, age, dad
Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted? A1: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. A2: Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...
Vote: has 65.91 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, animal, disgusting
A woman goes to the gynecologist for the first time and is awfully nervous. When the doctor comes into the examining room, he notices immediately that she's very tense. "Listen, dear. I know this must be scary for you. Do you want me to give you some thing to numb you down there?" The girl doesn't say anything, but just nods her head yes. So the doctor removes her underwear, puts his mouth in her crotch. "Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb..."
Vote: has 65.91 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor
A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?" The father, surprised, answers: "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, see them and they make you cry."
Vote: has 65.86 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
Vote: has 65.86 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Two friends talk: "Hi, what are you doing?" "Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card." "Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?" "No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."
Vote: has 65.57 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, Valentines day, friendship
Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever. Me: What's that hunny? Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk. Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
Vote: has 65.52 % from 127 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, black people, black humor
Q: What does Barbie use as a tampon? A: A Tic-Tac.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!
Vote: has 65.42 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, alcohol, sex