Dear Husband, I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me. Love, Dishes
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
Whats the similarity between getting a bl*wjob from an 80 year old and walking the tightrope ? In both cases you really dont want to look down !
Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child? A: Because dad can’t keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.
Q: Why don't witches wear underwear? A: For a better grip on there broomstick!
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks. "Yes," she purrs. "I am." "Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? A: They both have balls just for decoration.
How do you know when a Barbie has her period? All your tic tacks are gone.
Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled." "No," she said, "It's regular p*rn, you sick b*stard!"
I had to get an Xbox controller tattooed on my vagina. So my boyfriend would play with me for a change.