The best dirty jokes

What do your parents' car and testicles have in common? Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
Vote: has 62.63 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

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Yo momma's so old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said Lil Mary will never amount to anything.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What's long and hard and full of semen? A: A submarine.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

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A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
Vote: has 62.55 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What did the nut say to the bolt? A: Screw me.
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

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Q: Why was the dirty old man fired from the poultry shop? A: He couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

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I never drink water… fish f**k in it.
Vote: has 62.46 % from 65 votes. Send joke:

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A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground." So the crocodile bit his legs off.
Vote: has 62.44 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

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A man is driving his eighteen wheeler down the road, when he sees a hitch hiker. So the trucker stops and picks up the man. While they are driving down the road, the trucker says "Hey man, you wanna see something pretty cool?" The hitch hiker says sure. So the trucker has this monkey in the back, and he makes it come up with the men, and he smacks the monkey up side his head, and the monkey gives him a blow job. So after that, the trucker says "Hey man, do you want some of that?" And the hitch hiker says "Sure, but just don't smack me so hard."
Vote: has 62.44 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

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Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him: "Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!" "I do not want," says the little one. "Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful." "I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest. "My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow." And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"
Vote: has 62.44 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food, bird, kids