"Is it rape if it's your wife?" "I don't think so." "What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
He came into my room late at night. He sat over my body, He sucked, swallowed and he left. It was terrible. It was a BLOODY MOSQUITO!
How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only.
Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!
Q: Why did the man put condoms on his ears during sex? A: He didn't want to get hearing aids.
Why do guys think more then girls, and why do girls talk more then guys? Because guys have two heads and girls have two sets of lips.
What has a hundred balls and f*cks old women? Bingo!
Q: What do you get when you cross a elephant with a witch? A: I don’t know but she will need a very large broom!
What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application? Your iphone will keep crashing!
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.