Q: Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids?
A: Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday.
If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
Vote:
A father has three daughters that are all getting married on the same day.
He asks his oldest daughter, ''Who do you wish to marry?
She says, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with three dragons on his chest.''
He walks over to his second daughter and asks her the same question.
She replies, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with two dragons on his chest.''
He then goes to his youngest daughter and asks her the same thing:
''Who do you wish to marry?''
She replies, ''I wish to marry the man with one draggin' on the floor!''
What do your parents' car and testicles have in common?
Hit either one of them and you're grounded.
Roses are red,
violets are blue.
Pornhub is Down,
your mums Facebook will do.
There was a little boy sitting on a curb in one hand he had a cat and the other a box of smarties.
Every so often he would pop a smartie bite the cat get up and move down to the curb.
There is a man watching this young boy and wonders what he's doing once again the kid pops a smartie bites the cat gets up and moves down on the curb.
So the man comes outside and yells to the boy but the boy ignores him and continues popping a smartie biting the cat and moving down the curb.
Finally the man screams hey kid "what are you doing?"
The boy looks back and says "who? me?"
The man says "yes."
The little boy responds "Well sir I'm playing trucker."
The man confused says "What do you mean playing trucker."
The little boy then says "Yes, playing trucker I'm popping pills, eating pussy and moving down the road."
Q: What did the prositutes knee say to the other?
A: Nothing. They have never met.
I had to get an Xbox controller tattooed on my vagina.
So my boyfriend would play with me for a change.
Vote:
He came into my room late at night.
He sat over my body, He sucked, swallowed and he left.
It was terrible.
It was a BLOODY MOSQUITO!