The best disgusting jokes

Jeremy and Kris walk down the street and see a dog licking himself. Jeremy says, "Man, I wish I could do that!" Kris replies, "I think you'd have to pet him first."
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More jokes about: disgusting
A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window. After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. Again, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," the old woman replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, family, nurse, fart, old people
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
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More jokes about: animal, food, easter, chocolate, disgusting
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
Vote: has 64.76 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, animal, food
A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!" The octopus says, "Play it? If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
Vote: has 64.65 % from 92 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, bar, money, music, animal
While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes. "Wow! What a great idea," he thinks to himself and buys three of them. Two weeks later, however, he goes back to using toilet paper.
Vote: has 64.28 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
Q: What's grosser than gross? A: Two vampires fighting over a used tampon.
Vote: has 64.23 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? A: "How are we supposed to find an egg in all this sh*t?"
Vote: has 64.05 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, gay
What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet? After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.
Vote: has 63.89 % from 71 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse. He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20. The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left. He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room. To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed. So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life. Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs. He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"
Vote: has 63.81 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, money, beauty, blonde, life